Detox

602 run (by me)

I'm about twelve hours from a unilateral mastectomy, just climbing into bed.  I figure I'll get a bunch of narcotically aided sleep in the next few days, what's one more late night?

I set off on tonight's run and  realized it would be my last for a while.  Maybe (hopefully) a very little while, but it would be my last with this very body and that truth shook me.

I thought right then about nursing my babies.  There is nothing on earth as satisfying as nursing a baby, the miracle synchrony of her hunger exactly matching your need to feed her.  There is this little click of a moment when she latches on, pulls once and there is a deep release within you.  You see her tiny pink fingers rest on the curve of your breast, her breathing notches into a rhythm, you drink each other in until her eyes shut and she sleeps, milk drunk, warm and heavy in your arms.

Heaven on earth.

I feel really good, I'm ready.  I'll update as I can.